why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
