Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
