im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
