dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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