I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Welp...herpes.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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