Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
