Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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