I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I didn't shave. On purpose
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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