Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
