who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
