Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
