Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
