A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
