I look better un-naked...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
