I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
