Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
