I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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