And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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