well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
