I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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