If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I AM VODKA MAN
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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