My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
