what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
