I'm jealous of your bromance
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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