It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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