This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
