u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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