btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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