are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
