so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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