Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
ok first of all what the fuck
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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