saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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