It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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