Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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