Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
