I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
