Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
