Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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