Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize