I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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