how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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