in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
