Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
