my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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