so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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