winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
