I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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