Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
