I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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