We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
ttyl tear gas
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
