It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
