i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
