My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
