I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I love having hate sex.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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