the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
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He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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