my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Are we still banned from the library?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
