so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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