wanna go halves on a baby?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
