how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
