He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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