Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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