just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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