Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize