Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
