My first STD was from a foam party
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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