I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
