I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize