nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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