Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
