Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
two words: eviction party
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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